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the-average-gatsby:

alright you guys have posted some pretty bad jokes on here but not one comes close to this doozy

brace yourselves

so there’s a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. the first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people. the second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. the third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.

the kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it’s a valuable resource to have. the first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire. the second kingdom sends 50 of their knights, with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own. the third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire.

the night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night. the knights in the second kingdom aren’t as well off, but have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night.

in the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. he fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight.

the next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hung over and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up. in place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. the battle lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing - the squire from the third kingdom.

and it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides

(via saesama)

Tags: hey astra
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What a world we live in, where a video game in which seven out of ten playable characters are men will receive high praise for being progressive enough to include a whole three women in its speaking cast, yet a game in which seven out of ten playable characters are women is evidently some sort of hate crime.

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scribblingface:

disappointed by the CBC news coverage of the assault on gaza. They acknowledge that the isreali attack on gaza is doing more damage than the hamas retaliation, but they still try to spin it as a two-sided issue. both sides are acting in violence, both sides need to come to the table for talks, etc.

for decades israel has been trying to wipe palestinians out of existence, through direct violence, destruction of livelihood, diversion of drinking water, etc. etc.—but any retaliation from palestine, any struggle to fight back, is viewed as terrible terrorism by the western world. it’s very frustrating to see it portrayed that way. civilians in gaza are going through hell right now, and mainstream news sources here still won’t acknowledge that israel is fully to blame.

Our media still can’t bring itself to acknowledge what we did -  and continue to do - to the First Nations (read “Native Americans” for my readers South of the 49th), and we’ve been at it for five hundred years. You think we’re going to be any more prepared to acknowledge it when Israel does exactly the same thing to the Palestinians? We’ve got literally half a millennium of practice at blaming the victim to fall back on here.

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penguinkinggames:

I don’t think we ever particularly anticipated that making a game about mischievous fairies would require us to research medieval European hagiographic iconography - and yet here we are.

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Two common webcomic and fanfic storylines that conclusively demonstrate that the author is a colossal asshole:

1. White everyman protagonist says or does something that seems howlingly racist - but wait! It turns out that there’s actually a very complicated explanation for why it was a completely reasonable thing to say or do in that particular context. It is the folks who got offended who are the real bad guys for not giving him a chance to explain. Brown people sure are silly!

2. White everyman protagonist appears to have committed sexual assault - but wait! It turns out that it was just a series of bizarre and easily misinterpreted coincidences, and the whole thing is a hilarious misunderstanding. It is the folks who jumped to conclusions who are the real bad guys for not giving him a chance to explain. Women sure are silly!

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dorkly:

"Eye of the Tiger" Played on an Old Dot-Matrix Printer

"Papa, what did the ’80s sound like?"

(via xaidread)

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empireaust:

Idris Elba In Talks For Guy Ritchie’s King Arthur FilmHe could be Bedivere
Despite relatively brief screen time, Idris Elba certainly made an impact donning armour and wielding a sword in the Thor films. So the idea of him going the chainmail route for Guy Ritchie’s planned new take on King Arthur has plenty of appeal. Good news, then, that he’s in talks for the film.
In what is currently being called Knights Of The Round Table: King Arthur (what is it with Warner Bros. and chunky titles at the moment?), Elba is wanted to play not Arthur himself, but a version of Bedivere, who is credited in many of the interpretations of Arthurian legend as a noble and loyal member of the King’s knights. In Ritchie’s take – which features a script by Edge Of Tomorrow producer Joby Harold – he’s apparently an older, wiser warrior and a right-hand man to Arthur’s father who makes it his mission to train the young man for his true destiny. It’ll represent a RocknRolla reunion for Ritchie and the actor. 
Ritchie is still putting the pieces together on this one, and is currently on the lookout for an Arthur and the rest of the main characters. And nothing is really known about how the film (or films, given that this appears to be another embryonic franchise) will deal with each part of the saga. The director may not have a locked in cast yet, but he has a US release date, as Warners wants this on screen on July 22 2016.
James White

Awesome news indeed - and, contrary to what certain parties will tell you, not particularly divergent from the source material. Both Black and Middle Eastern knights appear in the extant canon of Arthurian romances and folk-tales - yes, as members of the Knights of the Round Table, among other roles - as early as the 13th Century CE. Depicting the Knights as monolithically white is, itself, a failure to adequately reflect the source material.

empireaust:

Idris Elba In Talks For Guy Ritchie’s King Arthur Film
He could be Bedivere

Despite relatively brief screen time, Idris Elba certainly made an impact donning armour and wielding a sword in the Thor films. So the idea of him going the chainmail route for Guy Ritchie’s planned new take on King Arthur has plenty of appeal. Good news, then, that he’s in talks for the film.

In what is currently being called Knights Of The Round Table: King Arthur (what is it with Warner Bros. and chunky titles at the moment?), Elba is wanted to play not Arthur himself, but a version of Bedivere, who is credited in many of the interpretations of Arthurian legend as a noble and loyal member of the King’s knights. In Ritchie’s take – which features a script by Edge Of Tomorrow producer Joby Harold – he’s apparently an older, wiser warrior and a right-hand man to Arthur’s father who makes it his mission to train the young man for his true destiny. It’ll represent a RocknRolla reunion for Ritchie and the actor. 

Ritchie is still putting the pieces together on this one, and is currently on the lookout for an Arthur and the rest of the main characters. And nothing is really known about how the film (or films, given that this appears to be another embryonic franchise) will deal with each part of the saga. The director may not have a locked in cast yet, but he has a US release date, as Warners wants this on screen on July 22 2016.

James White

Awesome news indeed - and, contrary to what certain parties will tell you, not particularly divergent from the source material. Both Black and Middle Eastern knights appear in the extant canon of Arthurian romances and folk-tales - yes, as members of the Knights of the Round Table, among other roles - as early as the 13th Century CE. Depicting the Knights as monolithically white is, itself, a failure to adequately reflect the source material.

(via scribblingface)

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lipslikemarilyn:

orima-kazooie:

mister-smalls:

outerheavenuprising:

do you think like 600 years ago book nerds got real mad when the printing press was invented because filthy casuals could get books without having to copy them out themselves

Actually yes they did

and there were certain ancient Greeks who were angry when writing was invented, because it meant that literature was more accessible to the filthy casual masses

true shit, people

People never change do they

we got taller

(Source: tonberrys, via xaidread)

Tags: history
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This show is making me question my sexuality and I’m already bisexual.

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fartooyoungandclever replied to your post: The four levels of bedroom roleplaying…

Please go to church ASAP

It’s far too late for that, I’m afraid.